“Compassion is passion with a heart.” Anonymous
It is clear to all of us that our clubs do much good for our members and the society at large. Some of my best memories are times spent at private clubs for holiday dinners with family and friends, weddings of cherished nieces and nephews, and a host of lunches, sponsored or otherwise, that resulted in better relationships with consulting clients and faculty members. Country clubs are some of the most beautiful sites in the world, which even nonmembers and passersby can take in as they drive to and from their homes. To many of them, clubs are an oasis in a sea of sameness. With all the troubling issues associated with location, this local benefit might be hard to recognize.
So, I wonder how often we remember the gift clubs are to the world. When you speak with an aged member who has recently lost a spouse and comes more frequently just to make positive contact with other members and employees, does it help you realize your continuing value? How about when newly-weds finish their event and stop for a moment to reflect before going elsewhere; do you see the joy in their eyes and the role you played in putting it there? Not long ago, I had a client invite me to give a talk to employees at a nonprofit debt consolidation firm. I began by thanking them for helping my sister who was kept from going bankrupt because of similar efforts. They had forgotten to pat their own backs and see all the trees they helped groom in the proverbial forest.
What is Compassionate Leadership?
If my purpose remains obtuse, let me make it crystal clear: We need to be thankful for what we do and encourage those around us to feel the same way! I use the term “compassionate”in both its inherent meaning and component parts. Compassion is an active word that involves “feeling or showing sympathy or concern for others.” We often mistake it for care of the less fortunate, broadly construed. Yes, it can be, but it also allows for consideration of all people we come in contact with during our personal and professional lives. I like to use it as come passionate, which asks every employee to be even more active and excited about our club and their roles in its success. Why not experience the intrinsic motivation that comes from more than a job well done?
When I tell clients this path forward, they struggle with how to make it happen. They tend to move to what it will cost; it looks like just another program to compete for their limited funds. When I say (well, other than my fee!) that it has no real cost unless they want to hold more employee events or give out more awards, they are dumbstruck. Then how can it truly be meaningful? They are so used to incentivizing people at work using extrinsic motivations (e.g., more salary, better titles, increased benefits, etc.) that it never occurs to them that we have a diverse set of reasons we show up to work at any particular place. Differences also exist across genders, generations, and race that make the situation more complex. What’s a manager to do?
Making it Happen!
The simplest start is to begin praising those who work for you and regularly thank them. The same can go for our members. I am the Vice President of Publications at the American Marketing Association (a volunteer position) and have to run various committees of business-educated professors and practitioners. Some teach this stuff but often fail to apply it in their own worlds. I always listen to their input and give both acknowledgement and admiration to good ideas. At first they were taken aback; are you praising me? Few in their organizational hierarchies do so unless it is used as part of their external publicity. Eventually they see its sincerity and genuineness and come to appreciate what it means to them personally. It costs me nothing but it goes a long way. Can you think of any emotionally-healthy person who does not want to be esteemed. I can’t!
This tactic alone should yield benefits and encourage passing it along. Have you ever been around someone in a bad mood and found it contagious? Well, so are good feelings! But that is not enough. The corporate culture that exists must change accordingly. For example, authority to do good must exist at every level of the company hierarchy. Let’s say that someone self-parks their car and left the windows down. Given it is now raining, a parking attendant sees them waiting for it to stop and proactively asks to get their car. They are very appreciative and hand the keys over. The attendant returns with their BMW and its wet front passenger’s seat, and she asks another attendant to go get the towels behind their counter to dry it off. There are plenty of other examples, like the server who brings a bottle of champaign when a couple reveals it is their 20th anniversary. In both cases, they have shown appreciation and are likely to be appreciated.
Some Interesting Nuances …
These and other generic strategies work better than you might think. I’m happy to help you come up with a list that works for you. However, more nuanced approaches are required that recognize at least the demographic characteristics noted previously: genders, generations and races. To make this discussion more productive, you need to take the lenses through which you see life off and put on the lenses of others to whom you wish to be compassionate. This illustration may seem a bit off-track, but it does make the point. My wife and I noticed what we thought was a grumpy old man at our Sunday church service who acted as an usher. We regularly made comments to one another when we were in contact with him, often casting him an unpleasant glance. One volunteer opportunity with our church was to take someone to services … guess who we got? It turned out that he was one of the nicest people we had ever met and was struggling with dementia. I was humbled by how wrong we were as we interacted with him until he finally died.
Let’s start with genders. I grew up in an era when boys were separated from girls, and their go-to gifts and toys were very gender-specific. Fast-forward to Gen-Y/Z and it is completely different terrain. We ran a study at American University two years ago that asked students to self-identify male or female (it was important to our findings). The study recevied so much pushback that we stopped it and added a gender-neutral designation. This is not an isolated event and will be more prominent in the future as parents refuse to cut their children’s hair, dress them in neutral colors such as light grey, and avoid giving them gender-defining items to enjoy. How do we deal with this burgeoning issue among our employees and members? The answers are not simple but the perspective is obvious: We need to remove our biases and see their situations and decisions from their life-journeys. Can we humanize them so that we recognize their value within the persona they hope to project to the world? Compromise is the wrong approach, but compassion is!
Now consider generations. I’m a baby boomer and our mantra was the Who’s “hope I die before I get old!” Many of us failed to do so, but we are often viewed by younger generations (especially Gen-Xers) as clogging the system and refusing to step aside. I spoke with an aging professor of about 75 a few years ago about his personal five-year plan, and he self-disclosed that he had not begun thinking about retirement! We boomers are less diverse than those that followed and may be out-of-step with why they behave as they do. The newest generation, Alpha, may have a chip embedded in them that allows access to professional and private information, connection, and entertainment without requiring speech. They will hot know how to write their names much less have to memorize times-tables. When we tell them to stop looking at their “phones” and attend to their duties while on the job, such commands will make no sense. How to manage them? Try to visualize how seamlessly they move in and out of personal and work consciousness, and help them to find a way to productively get the job done.
The last issue is race. My high school was in the Washington, D.C., suburbs and the first African American student joined my year. He was so unique that we made him class president. Now the same institution is at least 25% traditional minorities. Even if you longed for the “old days” you could not get them back. More children are born today in the U.S. of races outside Caucasian, making the former majority into a coming minority. The simplest management strategy is to embrace this change, but it will not work without a compassionate understanding of their lived experiences. A colleague of mine, who I had invited to come for additional training at my university, asked me to keep the top up on my convertible during our ride into Philadelphia so that we would reduce the likelihood of being pulled over by police. Even this Ph.D.-educated young professor felt vulnerable despite his movement up the social hierarchy. How do you think your cooks, grounds crew and hospitality employees of color feel? Compassion, compassion, compassion. Enough said?
Let me close by wishing you well and thanking you again for your service and the continued joy you give us all. Hold this good feeling in your hearts and spread it to others as widely as possible. Work does not have to be painful and can be uplifting. We just need to create an environment that places such possibilities front-and-center. Can I get and amen?
Ron Hill, Ph.D. is a Professor and Motivational Speaker. He can be reached at [email protected].