Women have made incredible strides in the workforce. Since the 1970s, their participation in both the workforce and in education has dramatically increased. Today, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, women outnumber men in college education across all degrees (bachelors, masters and doctorate), and currently represent about 47% of the U.S. workforce.
Despite these great achievements, women are still lagging behind their male counterparts. The majority of Fortune 500 boards are male dominated, and only 7.4% of Fortune 500 CEOs are female. Additionally, troublesome statistics indicate that, as of 2018, women earn about 82 cents to every male dollar. Private clubs are not immune to this data. Historically, clubs catered to the elite male network and valued traditions, and past traditions have not favored female representation.
The Continued Lag for Women
While clubs continue to work towards a more inclusive environment for both its members and employees, this raises the question: If women are equally accomplished, if not more so than men, why are they still falling behind?
There are many reasons that can be argued for this; however, one of the most important factors is to look at how women approach negotiation, and the barriers that face them when going into a negotiation that would help propel them forward.
The most common concerns in response to asking “what is your biggest challenge when it comes to negotiation and conflict resolution,” is by far a lack of confidence. What’s even more, is that this concern is disproportionately expressed by women.
Why is this important? We live in a society where success correlates with confidence. Studies have shown that in some cases, the appearance of confidence is given more consideration than competence when determining leadership positions. Lacking in confidence can have a huge impact on negotiation outcomes. It can impact the likelihood of getting what you want and getting the best possible outcomes for both parties involved. Those who show a lack of confidence are more likely to concede more quickly during a negotiation, pursue a less aggressive ask, and miss out on opportunities by not asking in the first place.
However, it’s not as simple as telling women to “just be more confident.” Despite making great advances towards gender equality in the workforce, gender stereotypes are still very much alive and play a big role not only on how women behave, but how the rest of society behaves towards women.
Beginning in childhood, with the toys given to boys and girls all the way to chores assigned to each gender, how society differentiates between treatment of boys and girls has a significant impact on behavior later on in adult life. From a young age, boys tend to have more practice with negotiating price or putting a value on their worth, while girls instead are taught to be compliant, agreeable, nurturing and discouraged from risky activities.
This forms as the basis, in many cases, to multiple barriers that plague the female negotiator. The hesitation displayed by women regarding negotiation can be, in part, explained by societal upbringings because while ambition is rewarded in men, it is often mislabeled as “bossiness” in women and reflects poorly on them. The negative response to the female negotiator combined with the female upbringing is additionally linked to the female tendency to set a less aggressive anchor (the most aggressive ask you can reasonably justify)—meaning they start a negotiation from a lower reference point waiting for someone else to recognize their value.
The stereotypes and biases our brains form are unavoidable. To have bias is to be human. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t improve.
The American Negotiation Institute, defines negotiation as “any conversation where somebody in that conversation wants something,” and conflict as “a negotiation with attitude” (emotional component that needs addressed). These intentionally broad definitions help highlight the opportunities to create value. Again, the private club sector is not the exception—there are negotiation opportunities happening all the time and across every level within a club’s organization.
How to successfully navigate the barriers
Its important to highlight that women already have a significant number of strengths when it comes to negotiating. Negotiation is not gender specific but is often misidentified as a “man’s game,” making it more difficult for women to recognize their own abilities as a negotiator.
Studies have shown that when it comes to the actual act of negotiating, women are just as successful as men in their negotiation outcomes—if not more so. Women are typically better at navigating emotions and working collaboratively than men—two of the most important skills needed when negotiating—and it shows. A study of more than 21,000 companies across 91 different countries found that having women at the c-level significantly increases net margins across the board.
Therefore, a bifurcated approach is needed to improve female negotiation outcomes and ultimately, female representations in the workplace. This approach shows how individuals can personalize their abilities to persuade more effectively and how organizations can be engaged to create a more inclusive environment for both women and men to succeed.
So how can women improve their individual negotiation skills?
Practice. Above all else, practicing is the most important thing to do in order to improve negotiation outcomes, and it is also critical to building confidence. Confidence is often mistakenly conflated with comfort, so when faced with discomfort, it is taken as a sign to avoid action or as an indication of one’s own lack of abilities. The important key to remember is that negotiation is a skill just like learning to play golf is a skill, and in order to improve any skill, we need to practice. When learning a new task, the brain has to create new neural pathways in order to solidify the action. These new habits can be uncomfortable when the brain isn’t yet familiar with that activity. Therefore, the more we do an activity, the less of a shock it is to our system.
Prepare. As the saying goes, “failing to prepare, is preparing to fail.” Studies across the board agree on the importance of preparation. In Seth Freeman’s book, The Art of Negotiating the Best Deal, he writes about a study looking at the impact of preparation. Results showed that those who prepared before a negotiation were able to not only create 11% more value for themselves, but also create 6% more value for the other side. The implications of this can have a huge benefit, as we are more likely to want to continue working with someone who is creating value for us.
Simply thinking about a negotiation is not sufficient enough to count as good preparation. This practice causes tunnel vision, where the focus is on identifying the end goal, and overlooking potential barriers that might arise and creative solutions to navigate them.
The research involved when preparing can help women avoid many of the barriers they face in negotiations:
- Researching who we’re negotiating with can help women build and establish important relationships and allies.
- Identifying important data can not only help women avoid setting too low of an anchor or accepting too low of an offer, but it also provides a buffer from the perception of being too aggressive in negotiation because the ask is supported by reliable data.
- Having a solid understanding of what is important to you and why, can help avoid groupthink, which can be especially uncomfortable to divert from if you are the only female in the room.
- Analyzing the negotiation from the perspective of each side can help you prepare for potential emotions that may be displayed by the other side, as well as for any emotions that you may be feeling. By identifying ways to exercise the strength of emotional navigation, women can avoid the perception of being written off as emotional.
Preparation has the obvious benefit of creating value (a goal in any negotiation), but it also has an added benefit of protection. Women are more often the target of bullying, harassment and other underhanded tactics used to gain the upper hand because we are often perceived as weak or less competent. Preparation leads to competence, and competence breeds confidence. As stated earlier, confidence is equated to success, which is automatically perceived as intelligence, and intelligence not only deters underhanded tactics, but is persuasive by itself.
Persuade with your voice and nonverbals. Negotiating when on the “losing” side of a power imbalance can seem daunting in any situation—especially when faced with an obvious lack of diversity at the leadership level, and trying to tow the fine line women face between being nice and assertive. A 2016 study found that especially when males outnumber females in small-group discussions, women not only participate less, but are also interrupted more when they do speak up. This means that opportunities to receive valuable female input and ideas that could help improve the organization as a whole are being missed.
In addition, female vocabulary typically has a higher usage of diminutive phrases. Phrases such as “I’m sorry…”, “This might be a stupid question, but…”, or “I don’t know if this is a good idea, but…” not only convey weakness, but also invite the rationalized rejection of that idea from the start. Take an internal audit of the minimizing or self-deprecating language you use. Bringing self-awareness to the language you’re using to introduce input is the first step to having a greater persuasive presence.
Next, the tone of voice women use can influence whether or not they will be successful as seeming nice versus bossy is inferred, in large part, by nonverbals. Unfortunately, this is a huge gray area and there are no obviously identifiable rule books on how women can avoid this since perception is subjective. However, keeping the frame of the conversation overwhelmingly positive and the voice level and calm, can influence perception of intent and is especially valuable when tensions are high. This same tactic can be applied when handling interruptions, bullies and/or upset parties. Persuade and lead by example not just because it is professional, but because people are more easily persuaded by things they like and have a propensity to mirror behavior.
Create an Inclusive Club Environment
While it is up to the individual woman to take the necessary steps to have a greater presence in the workforce, there are additional challenges if the club’s culture is unwilling to listen to or accept female input. Creating a more inclusive environment requires a team effort from everyone involved.
A club should aspire to have an equal female representation across all levels, including the c-suite level. However, efforts should also extend beyond simply diversifying the hiring process to supporting women. Here are some ways to do so.
Encourage participation and input. First, make sure that group discussions that impact the club and its members include—at minimum—one female who can represent the female interest. As mentioned earlier, when in a male-dominated group discussion, women tend to participate less and get interrupted more, so while encouraging everyone to participate at the beginning of a discussion is great, it is not enough to level the conversational playing field. Initial steps to encourage equal participation should also include periodic “check-ins” throughout a meeting in which the leader(s) of the discussion directly asks female participants for their input, while also discouraging interruptions throughout the meeting. Those same leaders should also take note of anyone who may be agreeing out of pressure to conform and then follow up with those individuals one-on-one to allow them to express any concerns they had during the meeting but did not feel comfortable sharing them.
Encourage female-focused groups. Unfortunately, there is a tendency for women to be pitted against each other in the workplace over competition for leadership and power. Use these groups not only to create a support network for female employees or club members, but to also serve a function to help improve the overall club experience. Encourage a team effort by including male participation in the female-focused group to help women identify male allies, to help men learn how they can be a support, and to make sure the group receives a diverse range of input.
Encourage mentorship for employees. Research shows that mentoring is an important key to helping women advance at work because it can create valuable connections and to help an employee successfully navigate company culture in a way that supports them while providing value to the organization as a whole. Creating mentorships across employee levels and between genders can also ensure that those who are the decision makers stay in touch with issues relevant to lower-level employees and vice versa.
Author’s Disclaimer
I realize that by advising women to make subtle adjustments to the way they approach negotiations in order to be successful perpetuates the current framework in place that demands a certain conformity for success. As a woman, encouraging fellow females to break gender stereotypes and forge ahead despite how society tells us we should act would be ideal. However, it would be unhelpful to suggest that women should negotiate the same way our male counterparts do if it would only be met with resistance and negativity. Despite the limitations, by working to change the way in which individuals and organizations approach difficult conversations, we can continue to change the current model of company culture.
Katherine Knapke RN, BSN, is chief operating officer at the American Negotiation Institute. She can be reached at [email protected].