Private clubs have a unique opportunity to help next generation leaders shape and refine manners and social graces while cultivating the essential interpersonal communication skills necessary to advance in today’s intensely competitive, high-tech and global society.
Why Manners Matter
Simply put, proper manners speak to who we are and where we came from. At a time when casual attire, casual dining and an overall more casual environment beckons, it should be noted that there is no such thing as “casual manners.” It’s critical for today’s young adults to understand that their words and actions are a reflection of who they are and being well presented and courteous will help set them apart in positive ways.
Etiquette is more than just knowing which fork to use. Etiquette buoys social skills, social responsibility, and helps build more effective and successful interpersonal relationships. Social graces and simple gestures of courtesy and respect can lead to advancement in business and in life.
There is inherent trust and undeniable expectations that private clubs set the bar in terms of exhibiting proper conduct and correct behavior. Many years ago, David Chag, general manager of The Country Club in Brookline, Mass., reached out to me inquiring if I might work with his staff and assist in matters pertaining to “professional presence.” I had been to Chag’s club and remember saying something to the effect of, “I would assume that staff at The Country Club would be totally up to the bar … if not over-the-top in terms of professionalism, personalized service and guest attention. To which Chag responded, “Precisely why I am calling Judy, … because other people expect us to be; it is my job to make sure we are.”
Private clubs today, in essence, are cultured environments with distinct traditions. They’re also a place where families can spend meaningful, quality time together in a safe and secure setting. Combining these two roles, there is a distinct possibility that clubs could play an especially significant role in shaping our youth.
The Challenge
Young adults, to some degree, lack the interpersonal and communications skills espoused by former generations. This eventually plagues them when it comes time for college, an important time to develop lasting friendships/relationships, or later, when entering the workforce. There is a need to create an awareness of the importance of being perceived as “fully present.” For example, it should be expected that young adults be conversant with present company (family and friends), rather than having their heads buried in a smartphone.
The Solution
Clubs! Clubs have the potential to serve as a nurturing environment to teach next generation leaders timeless people skills and manners—both modern and traditional.
Club Dining as a Classroom
The club dining room is one high-yield area to teach interpersonal skills and lessons. Shared meals are an important time to teach proper table manners and reinforce correct behaviors while fostering family bonding. Shared meals in the club dining room also present an opportunity to practice and exhibit fundamental people skills expected in this type of environment.
Finely tuned interpersonal communication skills and nuances—both acquired and learned at a young age—will last a lifetime. It’s never too early (or too late!) to start and regular reinforcement is key.
Possible lessons:
- The importance of being well-mannered
- Initiating the handshake, conversation and more:
- Shaking hands
- Making eye contact
- Properly introducing themselves and introducing others
- Using proper salutations
- Properly pronouncing names
- Being prompted to remember names of those they may have met previously
- Standing properly without fidgeting
- Sitting properly
- International protocol awareness (as we are global)
- Knowing how to extend a casual greeting
- Paying attention when someone is engaging you in conversation
- Electronic communication etiquette awareness, i.e., turning off and putting away electronic devices during mealtime
- Asking thoughtful questions
- Being an “active listener”
- Looking at others while they are speaking
- Waiting for the appropriate time to speak and not interrupting conversation.
- Learning the invaluable art of “small talk”
- Reinforcing the timeless idioms: “Please,” “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “Excuse me”
Understanding the Value of Culture and Tradition
Clubs place high value on culture and tradition. It is important to educate young members as to the history of the club, the importance of respecting club culture and other club members. When a young adult complains about wearing a collared shirt to dinner, for example, this is an opportunity to educate young adults as to “why,” which is key.
Clubs can also serve as the perfect place for young adults to practice what they have learned in a safe environment. For example, children can be encouraged to communicate with wait staff directly, using their names, ordering off the menu themselves, rather than having a parent do this for them.
Children and young adults at family-focused clubs may have the chance to interact with each other through activities or in teen or “tween” rooms. This is an opportunity to practice relationship-building, sharing, kindness, compromising, etc.
Next Steps: Maximizing the Unique Role of Clubs Today
Once taught, practice and regular reinforcement of manners and correct behavior is key. The club can offer innovative programs and special activities for young adults to teach and reinforce manners and interpersonal skills, relationship building, and appreciation for club culture.
Having parents either sit-in or participate in programs and club-sponsored events can help fortify family unity. Club staff can also get also involved by being encouraged to interact with young adults in the clubhouse. Giving positive reinforcement to members’ children when they act especially well will serve as further enrichment.
One other way clubs can get involved is to publish a miniature set of club rules just for children and young adults with easy to understand language or even, pictures. Areas to touch upon include:
- Dress code and proper attire (for the clubhouse, on the tennis court, on the golf course, etc.)
- Displaying respectful behavior to other club members and club staff (treat others as you would like to be treated!)
- How to behave in different areas of the clubhouse, such as the dining room, library, pro shop, etc.
- Any rules that apply specifically to children, such as always being accompanied by an adult or when and if they’re allowed to use the fitness facility/driving range/ locker rooms
It may also be helpful to remind members that they will be held responsible for the conduct of their children and their children’s guests while they are on club property and for their adherence to all of the rules and regulations of the club.
Instilling notions of proper conduct, manners and interpersonal skills in our youth is a team sport. By working together we can teach children and young adults how to act, and more importantly, why it matters. These skills will help them get ahead, make sound decisions, build healthy relationships and more now and in the future.
Judith Bowman, founder of Protocol Consultants International, is an established business protocol expert and author, “Don’t Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette” (Career Press and Barnes & Noble) and her new book, “How to Stand Apart @ Work … Transforming “Fine” to Fabulous!” (Morgan James Publishing Co.) For additional information, please visit: www.protocolconsultants.com.