There’s no denying the pandemic we have all faced the past two years has had a huge effect on our lives. We’ve had to face change—that dreaded word! Lots of change! And this change has created issues nationwide that we are still dealing with today. No industry has been spared from facing the changes.
Research shows golf clubs around the country faced a decline in member participation of almost 42% initially. But as restrictions eased around the nation, we experienced a return of growth. Golf clubs offered the opportunity to get outside, and meeting the six-foot self-distancing rule wasn’t a problem on the golf course. But this, in and of itself, brought about change. Members began requesting more value for their member- ship fees. Hospitality services were more in demand. And the work- force completely changed.
Loss and Grief
Along with this change came loss and grief. Grief has many definitions but it is primarily the conflicting feelings caused by the end or a change in a familiar pattern of behavior. Certainly, we experienced loss during the pandemic. When you first hear the words “loss and grief,” you traditionally think of death; unfortunately, many people died alone and afraid during this time. But there are many different types of loss we experienced during the pandemic, including losses of safety, trust, security, health, connectedness, faith and freedom—just to mention a few.
Unresolved grief in our society has a tremendous effect on the workforce and the ability of industries to succeed. Statistics show we have roughly 13 million grievers annually due to deaths. There are 2.6 million deaths per year in the U.S. with an average of five grievers per death (according to the U.S. Census Bureau). There are 2.5 million grievers per year due to divorce; this does not include children grieving this significant loss. There are 15.6 million grievers per year due to romantic breakups. Fourteen million pets die each year in the
U.S. And the pandemic coupled with all the change brought about even more grievers. These grievers are typically either not at work or at work but not functioning to their potential.
Dealing with Grief and Loss
Society has taught us several myths about handling our grief:
- “Don’t cry!” Your crying makes me uncomfortable, and I can’t fix it so please don’t cry.
- “Don’t be sad!” Our society doesn’t like sad. We are all sup- posed to be fine.
- “Keep busy!” If you keep busy, you won’t be sad and then you won’t cry.
- “Replace the loss!” Your dog died? Get a puppy. You broke up with your girlfriend? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
- “Grieve alone.” Just give him some time. He just needs to be alone.
- “Time heals all wounds.” There is no magic that suddenly occurs after some amount of time.
And finally, “Be strong!” “You’ll be okay.” “Get ahold of your- self!” “Keep a stiff upper lip!”
Loss is inevitable. Despite this, most of us are not taught how to respond to events that are guaranteed to happen in our lives and sure to cause pain and disruption. We are even advised not to learn to deal with loss. We hear, “What’s done is done.” Or “You have to move on.“ Or even “Don’t burden others with your feel- ings.” We have been taught to acquire things, not lose them. How do others deal with our loss? They don’t know what to say. They change or avoid the subject. They intellectualize. They don’t want to hear about it.
Grief creates physical, emotional, behavioral and cognitive symptoms. These are normal and may not appear in every griever. Normal physical reactions to grief include headaches, nausea, appetite disturbances, sleep disturbances and insomnia, fatigue and dizziness. Emotional reactions include anxiety, loneliness, guilt, fear, longing and numbness. Normal cognitive reactions include an inability to concentrate, difficulty with decision-making, memory problems, confusion and intrusive or obsesive thoughts. Normal behavioral reactions include an intolerance for noise or activity, absentmindedness and a loss of interest in regular activities.
These are the symptoms you may notice in an employee who is dealing with loss and grief.
It is important to understand that grief is about a broken heart, not a broken brain. A grieving individual is dealing with work
of the heart. The griever’s world view is affected and their set of beliefs is challenged. This makes them vulnerable. Essentially, their spark for living is wounded.
How to Support Others
If you decide to support others in grief, you must create a safe space for people to embrace their feelings of loss. You must learn to listen with your heart. Create a willingness to hear what is
said and what is unsaid. Become present for them by normalizing their feelings and validating their right to have those feelings.
Give them the assurance of confidentiality and offer compassion. Recognize that a new normal needs to occur. The old normal will never be again.
Recovery is possible. “Recovery” may seem an odd word to use in connection with grief. It means reclaiming yourself and finding new meaning for living. It means acknowledging that it is okay to feel sad about a loss. These are all skills we don’t usually learn in childhood. It is a journey back to life itself.
There are five universal needs of grieving that require support:
- Acknowledging there is a new reality.
- Embracing the pain of the loss of the old reality.
- Remembering what or who is lost.
- Developing a new self-identity.
- Searching for new meaning.
These require patience. Everyone handles loss a little differ- ently. There is no set timeline. Think of these needs as if they are medications that must be taken in small doses. Recognize that part of our identity comes from our relationships and how we interact in the world. When we experience a loss, our iden- tity changes. It may mean taking on a new role or changing the way we approach the outside world. It’s hard work and can leave us drained.
Taking Action
When your employees experience loss, especially as they did during the pandemic, your club will experience the effect. Under- stand the resources available to you. Create a list of approved and licensed counseling providers in your area. Consider creating an employee assistance program with a counselor to assist your employees through their journey to a new normal. Collaborate with a counselor to offer workshops such as lunch and learns for your employees on topics such as mental health wellness. Consider hiring a licensed professional counselor in your area to be on con- tract with you for your employees.
Angela Feeser, EdS, LPC, CPCS, is president of the Licensed Professional Counselors Association of Georgia. She presented at the 2022 National Club Conference in Charleston, S.C., in May.
Carolyn Ramp, EdS, LPC, ACS, CPCS, is senior therapist with LifeStance Health. She presented at the 2022 National Club Conference in Charleston, S.C., in May.