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Enhancing the Formal Dining Experience: Etiquette and Best Practices for Waitstaff

Private club dining is renowned not only for the quality of the food but also for the ambiance and service.

While the menu options are best left to the chef, the service expectations inherent in club dining lie with the waitstaff. Members and guests expect service at the club to be not up to the bar, but over the bar in terms of top tier service and individualized attention. And it is incumbent upon management to make sure waitstaff are trained. In the words of General Manager David Chag, of The Country Club in Brookline, Mass., “Others expect us to know, it is my job to make sure we know.”

In the case of larger parties, host duties and responsibilities are significant. Members may need to be reminded (or may not know) the basics, so there is an opportunity for waitstaff to help hosts shine. Asking simple questions and making gentle suggestions will not only help ensure a stellar dining experience, it will also reflect well on the club and service staff.

Large Party Protocol for Top Tier Waitstaff

Confer with Host. With a large, hosted party, arrange for a few quiet minutes with host to:

  • Introduce yourself. Learn key member names … and use them
  • Select table
  • Review seating arrangements
  • Review the progression of ordering
  • Review how they are set for time; pace service accordingly
  • Agree that you will clear once everyone at the table has finished (in the event that they are unaware of this protocol)
  • Remind them of the device rule:all devices OFF (Exceptions: i.e., photo sharing, research, status update on a late arrival, etc.)

SeatingOffer to seat guests however, suggest by inflection that the host stand in the waiting area, at the ready, to personally meet, greet and receive guests.

  • Host is seated at the “head of the table” (based on where the doors of the room are located)
  • The most important person is seated to the host’s right
  • Second most important person is seated to host’s left

Co-hosts should be seated directly opposite the host. In this case, the second most important person is seated to the co-host’s right.

  • Stand behind their chair to indicate their “place”
  • Pull out chairs for guests and begin seating the person of honor, ladies next, then gentlemen
  • Encourage entering/exiting the chair’s right
  • Offer to assist with coats, briefcases, etc.
  • Professionally assist diners with napkins

Ordering:

  • The person of honor always orders first
  • Ladies at the table order next
  • Gentlemen order next
  • Lastly, host order

Nuance: Encourage members to use three authoritative words, “I would like” by asking the question, “What would you like Mr./Ms. X?”

General Protocol for Top Tier Waitstaff

Below are suggestions for appropriate protocol to enhance the member dining experience:


Be “fully present.” Know when to be fully present versus ‘conspicuously absent’ (yet present and accounted for).

Introductions. Give a warm welcome and self-introduction when guests arrive at the table to set the tone for the entire dining experience. Make eye contact with each diner and have a pleasant, approachable facial expression.

Conversation. Making conversation is an art. Astute waitstaff know how/when to make polite small talk and engage in conversation.

Special Needs.  Always consider any special needs including dietary restrictions as well as those with physical disabilities. 

Body Language/Eye-Contact. Use strong eye contact and body language to communicate intention with hosts, guests and other servers.

Forms of Address. Refrain from assuming the familiar—even when a member/guest tells you to call them by their first name. Thank them, however, actually doing so is subjective.

Rule: Astute waitstaff will never call a member/guest by their first name in front of other members/guests.

Food Recommendations.  Recommend what has been very popular and well received rather than share your personal favorites (it is safer to credit or blame popular opinion should the item not be well-received!)

Commit the menu to memory. Present it fluidly, using inflection, enthusiasm, confidence, authority and even seduction.

When to begin. Waitstaff should encourage members to wait to begin eating until everyone at the table has been served by coordinating service and ensuring everyone at the table is served at the same time.

Splitting entrees. If a member asks to have an entrée or salad split, offer to have this done away from the table to eliminate awkwardness/accidents.

Accidents: 

  • Be attentive to your table to know when an accident has occurred; do not wait to be flagged. 
  • Without fanfare, have the right accoutrements in place to mitigate damage; quickly and efficiently replace glasses/linen, etc.
  • Empathize. Offer reassuring words, “I just had the same thing happen to me. Not to worry. We are good as new now.”

Serving and clearing.

Rule: Serve from the left; clear from the right.

  • Do not reach across the table (or people!) to serve/clear
  • Stanchions or room obstructions: common sense prevails; serve and clear from the same side 

Nuance: Acknowledge the obstruction, showing you know the difference.

  • No stacking or scraping at the table
  • Clear one place (one in either hand) at a time, only

Seasoning Food and le Grand pepper mill.

Rule: Never season food until tasting.

*Exception: The grand pepper mill.

When offering le Grand Peppermill, make the suggestion that members taste before you garnish.

Silent Service Code. This is the silent signal that guests are either resting or have in fact finished. If members do not know the Silent Service Code resist the urge to clear their plate. Do not touch their utensils. Ask if they have finished if unsure, and then clear.

Only if the host asks you to clear (before everyone at the table has finished) would you do so.

Breaking down dining area. When members are enjoying coffee, dessert, after dinner cordials, waitstaff should NOT begin to break down and clean up.

Resetting the table. Accordingly, the table is pre-set before dining and re-set afterward.

Conclusion of the Meal. Thank them for coming; you look forward to welcoming them back again soon.

*Exception: Never say, “have a nice day!”

Judith Bowman, founder of Protocol Consultants International, is a business protocol expert and author of “Don’t Take the Last Donut:  New Rules of Business Etiquette” and “How to Stand Apart @ Work … Transforming “Fine” to Fabulous!” For additional information, please visit: www.protocolconsultants.com.

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